a fascinating species

i appreciate the monkeys around me. i almost love them. there is something completely adorable about their sweet consistent nonsense amidst the inconsistencies around me. not that i'm sadistic and enjoy trouble or anything like that, but it's the way they laugh everyday at the nothingness that they enjoy. really, why can't the world just "chill" a little more, laugh a little more, smile a little, and more now and then, just like they do.

are the ones that know where to go for holidays the happy ones?
or is it the ones that have the love and attention of everyone?
or perhaps, it's these dears, the ones that laugh at everything, get angry at the smallest things? the ability to forget to rationalise? it's so true isn't it, that we begin to think so much as we grow older, and feel so much less. we control our reactions so much more often then these monkeys, sometimes i wonder what it means to be human.

i'm wondering, we control, we speculate, we plan so much. and what happens when things don't go our way, we react so much slower than these monkeys. these monkeys, love when love comes, hate when hate comes. they are hence allowed to be almost everything and nothing if they want to, at anytime. why do i have to think so much?

are we being inhibited by our very identity? humans are too restricted and contradictory for our own good perhaps..

a precious gift...

teaching is alot more than i thought.

perhaps it's the culture shock that i'm experiencing, and not the specifics of the job. ha. where i'm from, girls always studied, we always greeted our teachers, we never spoke back, we never played truant, and we always brought our books, and did our homework. Most importantly, we wanted to get good grades. the above mentioned is almost non-existent where i am now. but it's still school. it's still classes. it's still teaching. but they are good at everything, except their studies, seriously. but that aside, they have a good heart, they love the camaraderie they share and i'm dying to be a part of it. it almost saddens me that i cannot give them more of what i have: knowledge, and i'm forced to give them more of what i don't have: patience.

i wish i could sit them down, one by one, teach them, (becoz it's impossible to teach them altogether sometimes. ) and show them that it is possible. show them that they matter to me, show them that their understanding is everything that matters to me, coz they've already given me everything else. let us get our A1 for all the subjects together! maybe secretly, subconciously, schemingly, i wish they read all this too.

when i left the choice of posting to God, i thought it was a prank God played on me, or a punishment, but i'm starting to realise, it is a Gift.

sorrow-fringed joy or joy-fringed sorrow?

it's amazing, the feeling of having someone you love come back to you. having someone "to love and to hold". loving is holding, enjoyment, company, influence, and everything nice; it's sugar and spice.

after a long 3 weeks that seemed like forever, returning now. but with a return, such sorrow is greeting the reunion. may the sorrow fill us with love, remembrance, and lessons to treasure our loved ones. and may love fill us enough, to make the sorrow less, to ease the pain, and to share our lives.

a friend told me, "i have two hands, for two women!" but to feel a real hug, we use both our hands, to embrace the love we have before us. so i have two arms, to put around the love i have, to take away the sorrow, and to bless the memories that have been shared.

God, be with us.

about soaps and shampoos...

you hear people asking like, which is scarier, losing sight, or limbs?
i'm not saying these are good things to happen, just that you don't quite hear people asking about the fear of losing the sense of smell?

perhaps it's because we rely on it so much less. we just don't "smell" enough. really! i mean, how many of us, actually take a moment to infuse ourselves with the aroma that surrounds us? especially when we are showering, being in one with our soaps, foams, and shampoos. after all, we come out of the shower rooms smelling as sweet as them. don't we wanna take in a deep breath while showering to know how we'll smell after we come out in ten minutes time?

scents and flavours, infusion of aromas made of the weirdest stuffs. smells of the ocean, of the forests, that's nature. the temporary teleportation to a place that we often wish we were at but too lazy to get our arses there. sweet-smelling beautiful flowers, like moonflowers, peach blossoms, lavender (personally i'm not a fan of lavenders) .. it's like having petals raining down on you in a park, where you stretch out your arms, twirl around in circles.. dreamily. well there are other scents too like some incense, herbs, royal jellys. some smell like... meditation.

aromatherapy during a shower is such an experience, but we don't take enough time to fully appreciate, don't you think? soaps and shampoos, in that short shower ( coz the government says save water and don't take baths, take showers instead.), brings us to places, to korea, to the states, to river thames, to yosemite.. brings us into action, like do yoga, soak in the sea, sit beneath a tree in autumn. if we allow ourselves some time, to close our eyes, and imagine, hey, we could be anywhere in the world.. like a jumper. heh. it'll be like dreaming.

i'm going to take a bath now.

row, row, row your boat...

boat... ship..
battleship...
friendships..
relationships...
kinship..

as july draws nearer, i find myself trying to hold on tighter to my time. time to spend at home, with my mum, lunches with my ma, pa, and bro, time with friends, with loved ones. more importantly, time with myself. i'm reading my tuition kid's children's classics, collection of charles dickens, shakespeare, and oscar wilde. and also another darling's adverbs. I, read read read. TS, sail sail sail. Mum, cook cook cook. and there's still more time..

maybe coz i'm looking so hard at the clock, i'm in like a permanent daze. but it's a happy daze. like i always have time to actually complete the whole sentence:" what do i want to do now? hmm.." compared to most people my age i think. they only take time to state their next action. life's a breeze, just for a while longer, and i like that. time to sit at east coast, at al ahmeen, time to walk around parkway, time to play with my dog. time. it's really a luxury.

And there's always some more time...

my dog is a "gan dang"

people always say, english speaking people are potatoes : gan dang
and the opposite, chinese version of potatoes -- sweet potatoes : hang zi
and i realise, odie's a gandang.

my entire family speaks mandarin with each other, but when we address Odie, we speak english, ha okay, maybe singlish. most amazingly, my dad, who can't even be bothered to read the english words on his nokia phone, speaks to odie in english.

you know sometimes when we try to say something bad, and mean. like when we are gossiping behind someone's back, we try to speak a language that the person probably wouldn't understand? that's when my family speaks in mandarin to the dog. (disclaimer: no matter what we say, we all really love the dog)

maybe coz odie understands english, and he's a gandang like me, we are meant for each other. i don't know if i love my bf more than my dog but i know i'm supposed to. ha. i love both. i just have higher expectaions of my bf. (coz i understand what he's saying?)

still... almost blissful..

i just watched sex and the city.
i'm upset my breast recently shrunk by 2 sizes.
i'm considerably happy i lost weight.
i think my boyfriend is secretly upset about the 2nd comment, but he still loves me.
girls can be so much fun. girl-talk, girl-shop, girl-gossip. more importantly, girl-power!

so much random thoughts.
when i'm randomly thinking about many happy things, or thinking about these full nothingness, i know i'm actually blissfully happy.